How it feels.

I have only been heart broken twice in my entire life.
Actually, it's kind of funny to say 'my entire life' considering my life isn't even half-way over. But that's not the point. I have only ever really loved two boys in my 17 years of life. Of course I'm not going to say their real names on here not only for the boys sake, but also mine.

Let's call boy number one, William. (this has absolutely no relation to the said persons real name.) Anyway, I loved William more than I have ever loved any human being. More than I ever thought it possible to love someone. When he had pain, I felt it. When he was happy so was I. And so on and so on. I gave my everything to him. I spent hours upon hours of time trying to think of ways to make him happy. I hung on his every word and touched him every chance I had. I wanted to be a part of, just melt into his skin and forever be his. And he loved me the same way. It was what love was supposed to be. Pure, innocent, irrevocable, and giving. But as time wore on we grew up. We were forcing eachother to love when we just couldn't anymore. William was my very first love. And while he hurt me in many ways I will always have some place for him. Some part of me will always love him.


The second boy, let's call him James was completely different in everyway possible. He was the polar opposite of William. And he was someone I never thought possible to love. James found me when I was in a sad state and he picked me up off the ground and fixed me up. He brushed me off, told me I was beautiful even when I wasn't, and kissed me better. He made everything feel good and happy. He made me want to smile even when I was angry. James had this special and rare quality that I will never forget as long as I live. He could give others strength when they had none for themselves. I didn't even realize how much I loved him until I couldn't have him anymore. He is the first boy to ever break up with me. I know there is a part of me that wants to hate him... but I just don't.